|
by
steamer packet
Government House,
Kaiserville,
Lumbago Junction. Major
De Beaujolais, OFFICER
COMMANDING, l‘eFFLUENT
RIVER STATION. SIR,
of LATE A NUMBER OF BONES HAVING BEEN WASHING UP ON THE MUD FLATS
AT kAISERVILLE AND A MARKABLE INCREASE IN THE NUMBERS OF CROCODILES HAS
ALSO BEEN NOTICED. mY GOOD
SUBJECTS, THE FUKARWI‘S OPINE THAT THESE BONES BELONG TO NATIVES FROM
YOUR STATION AND AS THEY LOOK VERY SIMILAR TO THE ONES THAT MY FUKARWIS
SHOWED ME FROM THEIR OWN COLLECTIONS I HAVE NO REASON TO DOUBT THEM.
the BONES ARE BAD ENOUGH, GOT
KNOWS ENOUGH OTHER SHIT FLOWS DOWN THE l’EFFLUENT,
BUT THE CROCODILES ARE INTOLERABLE AS WE HAVE QUITE ENOUGH OF OUR
OWN ! aS SUCH I MUST
REQUEST YOU STOP DISPOSING OF YOUR NATIVES IN THIS FASHION AND SUGGEST
THAT WHEN YOU HAVE FINISHED WITH THEM YOU HAND THEM OVER TO THE ARAB
SLAVERS . . . LIKE ANY OTHER DECENT GENTLEMAN !
it HAS ALSO BEEN BROUGHT TO MY ATTENTION THAT AMONG THAT RABBLE YOU
CALL LEGIONNAIRES THERE ARE SOME WHO PURPORT TO BE GERMAN.
THESE MEN, IF I MAY BE
SO BOLD WITH THE TERM, ARE AT
THE VERY BEST SCUM FROM THE ALLEYWAYS OF BERLIN AND MUNICH
AND ALL WANTED BY THE FATHERLAND.
THESE MEN SHOULD BE RETURNED TO US AT THE EARLIEST OPPORTUNITY SO
THAT THEY MAY BE TRIED FOR THEIR CRIMES.
IT IS OUR FULL INTENTION TO BRING THEM TO JUSTICE AND THOSE THAT
HIDE OR ABET THEM WILL SEE NO MERCY. WE
ARE PARTICULARLY KEEN ON SEEKING OUT ONE KARL MARX WHO HAS BEEN WANTED FOR
SOME TIME.
I DARESAY BY NOW THAT INTERMINABLE BORE, CHURCHILL HAS FOUND HIS
WAY TO YOU, YOU WOULD BE
AMAZED OF THE RIDICULOUS CLAIMS HE MADE ABOUT THE ORIGINS OF THE ENGLISH
AND THEIR INSUFFERABLE LANGUAGE. WELL
HE MAY CLAIM TO BE OF GERMAN BLOOD BUT LET ME TELL YOU WHEN PUSH COMES TO
A SHOVE WE SHALL GIVE THE ENGLISH A BLOODY NOSE.
MIEN GOTT ! no DOUBT
YOU LET HIM KNOW WHAT FOES WE GERMANS REALLY ARE.
YOU WILL RECEIVE THIS PACKET BY THE SAME BOAT WITH THAT AMERICAN
WOMAN. IF THERE IS ONE THING
WORSE THAN AMERICANS IT IS THEIR DAMNED WOMEN.
HOW ANY MAN COULD....BUT YOU WILL SEE WHAT I MEAN.
THERE IS ALSO TALK THAT A MINING ENGINEER HAS ARRIVED AT YOUR
STATION, I MUST REMIND YOU
THAT ALL DEPOSITS IN THIS REGION HAVE BEEN MAPPED AND CLAIMED IN THE NAME
OF THE KAISER. YOU MIGHT SAY
ANY MINE IS MINE . . . HAH HAH. IT
WOULD BE PREFERABLE IF YOU SEND HIM PACKING LOCK , STOCK AND SHOVEL.
I WISH I COULD COME IN PERSON BUT YOU WILL UNDERSTAND THAT I HAVE
MUCH TO DO IN SUCH A BUSY POST, UNLIKE
YOUR LITTLE STATION EH !.
I MUST SAY I ENJOYED MY LAST VISIT TO YOUR FAMOUS BAR L‘CESS-POOL
AND LOOK FORWARD TO AGAIN HANGING MY HAT THERE.
RESPECTFULLY
cOLONEL vON sTROMP
gOVERNOR GENERAL (sELF PROCLAIMED)
|